My Manic Life.
I'm Rio, I'm female, 19 and bisexual. I'm engaged and live with my fiancé Jonny and our 5 Chihuahuas. I live in the UK, but I use a lot of 'Americanisms', they're easier to type usually.
I have Bipolar 2 RC, GAD and contamination based OCD - I'm a 'hand washer'. I self harm and have done so for going on 9 years now. I'm currently totally housebound due to Agoraphobia (18 months and counting since I last went out). I also have a history of Eating Disorders (Anorexia and Bulimia - Purging Type), substance abuse (I'm diagnosed as 'Alcohol Dependant'), plus sexual abuse and a host of other things explained in my posts. ***NOTE - I'm currently in the process of being re-diagnosed and having some existing disorders tweaked. Please bear with me/my blog while it all gets sorted!***
This 'micro blog' is a mish mash of my feelings, thoughts, experiences, my past, present and maybe a little about my future too.
This is about my journey to achieve good mental health and if you want to, you are more than welcome to join me on my way...
Shall we begin?
Key -
Currently mid transfer, details to come.
??? = Therapist.
??? = Psychiatrist.
Peter = Former Therapist and Support Worker.
Dr Kelly = Former Psychiatrist.
EDC = East Dene Centre - The CMHT clinic I'm with, now under the 'Intensive Team'.
IT = Intensive Team (see above.)
St. Johns = Old clinic, when I was under CAMHS and lived in Nottinghamshire.
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do you type differently depending on the person you’re talking to
My grammar goes from formal essay to...
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avocado toast = best breakfast
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IT’S SO CUTE IM REBLOGGING TWICE
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I AM SORRY BUT THIS IS WHY I AM EMBARRASSED TO BE AN AMERICAN. IF A HIJAB THAT DORNS THE AMERICAN FLAG PATTERN IS NOT...
George Takei responds to “traditional” marriage fans.
Hero diva right there. George Takei you beautiful, sassy man <3
THE ANONYMOUS COMPLIMENT PROJECT
*it won’t show up on your blog so don’t delete or else an elephant will pour ice cold water on your pretty hair*
hey loves, reblog this cute elephant turning into a little girl for a cute anon message!
there is no limit
it’s sweet for you to follow me if you reblog but not necessary :)
no likes :/ unless you’re on post limit and would like to book mark
this post will not go down until wednesday april 3rd 8:00 PM north american eastern time
ALL OF YOU WILL RECEIVE A LOVELY ANON MESSAGE
please reblog, I want everyone to just have an anon message. It will not be something simple like “you are so pretty” it will honestly be beautiful and something personal.
Do not reblog after april 3rd 8:00, I will check and make sure.
All will be done, but please don’t pester me unless you feel that it’s been too long. I have things and problems and as much going on as you do so don’t ask me when it will be there.
pleeeeasse reblog! I want to make someone’s day, like so many anons have made mine!! :)
(via swimbeforeyousink)
And I do mean everyone.
hepl
i want this (:
(via bloodsuckingbitches)
Number four made me tear ♡ These are the most lovely and amazing and perfect websites on the internet, I swear.Six websites I go to when I am upset:
(via yissica)
ok you know what scotland where do you get off having all this cool shit and hot people and kilts and stuff
because look at these fucking things
THESE ARE FAIRY POOLS, YOU CAN FIND THEM IN THE ISLE OF SKYE AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY’RE GORGEOUS
SCOTLAND STOP HOLDING OUT ON ME HERE
If I could live there, I think I’d finally be happy.
(via yissica)
When your heart says yes and your head says no…
Always reblog this. A lot of the animals they kill (and they kill over 95% of the animals they take in at their Virginia Headquarters) are killed within 24 hours. Not nearly enough time to deem whether an animal is adoptable or not. They even bought a giant fridge to store the corpses!
PETA is a corporation. Not a charity. Less than 1% of their 32 Million+ annual budget actually goes to directly helping animals. Most of it is spent making sexist/racist/ domestic abuse supporting commercials that won’t even air on television, giving bail outs to convicted arsonists and criminals, hiring/supporting any celebrity that claims to be vegetarian for five minutes, creating campaigns to target children (“Your mom kills animals”), fruitless lawsuits like suing Sea World for violating the constitution, and most recently, making porn. I’m not against porn, but I fail to see how it fucking helps animals.
PETA does not give a shit about animals.
Plus, these assholes have the gall to insult Steve Irwin.
(via scarletneedscoffee)
Today has gone from bad to worse. It’s 5am and I’m lying freezing my ass off in the spare bedroom, burrowed into the admittedly huge ironing pile, in an attempt to stay warm. This is my safe room, I hide away in here when shit gets bad. Well, shit is bad.
I really should have updated before now, a lot has happened but I’ve felt so crap that tumblr got neglected. Bleh. To cut a long series of events short, I went down, way down and haven’t seen Peter in a while, it got bad enough that Jonny rang Peter and he and Dr Kelly were pushing for me to ring the Crisis Team, to be evaluated for In Patient. It wasn’t pretty. I refused to call them or let Jonny call them, mainly because without my money we’d lose the house and although Jonny could stay with family (mine or his), I couldn’t make my 5 dogs homeless, they are my entire world. So, we in turn convinced Peter that there was no need and he said he’d discuss my ‘turn’ with the team. That was Tuesday, I think. Wednesday he let us know that a transfer would be discussed in the weekly Team Meeting and Thursday afternoon it was all confirmed, I’m being transferred to the other team, who are more ‘qualified to treat my type of problems’. Heh. So I’ll be getting a new Therapist and as far as I know, a new Psych. I’ll still be doing home visits though.
I’m not sure how to feel about this really. On the one hand, yay no more crappy unprofessional people (hopefully…) and I’m happy that these people may be able to help me more but at the same time, damn, what a fucking waste these past few months have been. It took me so fucking long to even get back in to therapy, let alone get settled with Peter (which I wasn’t 100% still) and now I’m back to square 1 all over again!
Gah, I hope my new Therapist is nice… I don’t even know who the hell it’ll be yet, it can take a week or two to get it sorted apparently. -sigh-. Everyone, well, the few family members and very few close friends I’ve told are being relentlessly cheerful and overly gung ho about the change. They’re being irritatingly chipper, honestly, to the point where I’m just like, “really?”. I know they’re clueless and don’t understand my frustrations and anxieties but jeez, just some basic acknowledgement is all I’m asking for… Instead they keep plastering over my feelings on the matter with their sodding chipper-y chipper-ness -.- It’s just not helpful, you know? At the end of the day, if a situation sucks, why pretend it doesn’t? Just acknowledge it and we can all move on, instead of trying to convince me that this will ‘help’ my Anxiety! I don’t see how more stress and anxiety provoking situations will help, but maybe that’s just my common sense talking… heh.
Ahh tumblr, such a good place to rant!
Other than that ball of njkfnklanknfkl, I guess everything is as usual. I’m a little over 3 weeks into a downswing, by my estimation (I kinda skipped doing my mood chart for a few days… like, a months worth of days… uh huh). I’ll try and pick it back up, I know it’s a useful thing to do. With nothing else to add I shall go and wish you all…
Peace xo
I spent the majority of the morning on the sofa, crying under my duvet, because the floor wouldn’t stop moving.
Cancelled my 3pm meeting with Peter.
Did manage to get a bath eventually though.
Also, haven’t been able to eat all day, aside from 3 slices of cheese and some chocolate I snaffled at breakfast, which was 12 hours ago.
I’ve been so confused all day, cannot grasp anything. Just had a minor argument with Jonny because I felt like he was mocking my confusion. My words aren’t coming out right or making sense and I can’t take anything in at all. I keep having him repeat things 3 or more times and I still can’t understand what he’s saying to me. It’s like a foreign language. He’s only chatting to me or asking basic questions and I’m mind fucked. Words feel so strange and unfamiliar. It’s beyond ridiculous how bad it is today.
Now I’m sat here, feeling shit, I cannot wait to go to bed and sleep away a few crappy hours, before all this shit starts again tomorrow…
