Number four made me tear ♡ These are the most lovely and amazing and perfect websites on the internet, I swear.
Six websites I go to when I am upset:
ok you know what scotland where do you get off having all this cool shit and hot people and kilts and stuff
because look at these fucking things
THESE ARE FAIRY POOLS, YOU CAN FIND THEM IN THE ISLE OF SKYE AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
SCOTLAND STOP HOLDING OUT ON ME HERE
If I could live there, I think I’d finally be happy.
Today has gone from bad to worse. It’s 5am and I’m lying freezing my ass off in the spare bedroom, burrowed into the admittedly huge ironing pile, in an attempt to stay warm. This is my safe room, I hide away in here when shit gets bad. Well, shit is bad.
I really should have updated before now, a lot has happened but I’ve felt so crap that tumblr got neglected. Bleh. To cut a long series of events short, I went down, way down and haven’t seen Peter in a while, it got bad enough that Jonny rang Peter and he and Dr Kelly were pushing for me to ring the Crisis Team, to be evaluated for In Patient. It wasn’t pretty. I refused to call them or let Jonny call them, mainly because without my money we’d lose the house and although Jonny could stay with family (mine or his), I couldn’t make my 5 dogs homeless, they are my entire world. So, we in turn convinced Peter that there was no need and he said he’d discuss my ‘turn’ with the team. That was Tuesday, I think. Wednesday he let us know that a transfer would be discussed in the weekly Team Meeting and Thursday afternoon it was all confirmed, I’m being transferred to the other team, who are more ‘qualified to treat my type of problems’. Heh. So I’ll be getting a new Therapist and as far as I know, a new Psych. I’ll still be doing home visits though.
I’m not sure how to feel about this really. On the one hand, yay no more crappy unprofessional people (hopefully…) and I’m happy that these people may be able to help me more but at the same time, damn, what a fucking waste these past few months have been. It took me so fucking long to even get back in to therapy, let alone get settled with Peter (which I wasn’t 100% still) and now I’m back to square 1 all over again!
Gah, I hope my new Therapist is nice… I don’t even know who the hell it’ll be yet, it can take a week or two to get it sorted apparently. -sigh-. Everyone, well, the few family members and very few close friends I’ve told are being relentlessly cheerful and overly gung ho about the change. They’re being irritatingly chipper, honestly, to the point where I’m just like, “really?”. I know they’re clueless and don’t understand my frustrations and anxieties but jeez, just some basic acknowledgement is all I’m asking for… Instead they keep plastering over my feelings on the matter with their sodding chipper-y chipper-ness -.- It’s just not helpful, you know? At the end of the day, if a situation sucks, why pretend it doesn’t? Just acknowledge it and we can all move on, instead of trying to convince me that this will ‘help’ my Anxiety! I don’t see how more stress and anxiety provoking situations will help, but maybe that’s just my common sense talking… heh.
Ahh tumblr, such a good place to rant!
Other than that ball of njkfnklanknfkl, I guess everything is as usual. I’m a little over 3 weeks into a downswing, by my estimation (I kinda skipped doing my mood chart for a few days… like, a months worth of days… uh huh). I’ll try and pick it back up, I know it’s a useful thing to do. With nothing else to add I shall go and wish you all…
I spent the majority of the morning on the sofa, crying under my duvet, because the floor wouldn’t stop moving.
Cancelled my 3pm meeting with Peter.
Did manage to get a bath eventually though.
Also, haven’t been able to eat all day, aside from 3 slices of cheese and some chocolate I snaffled at breakfast, which was 12 hours ago.
I’ve been so confused all day, cannot grasp anything. Just had a minor argument with Jonny because I felt like he was mocking my confusion. My words aren’t coming out right or making sense and I can’t take anything in at all. I keep having him repeat things 3 or more times and I still can’t understand what he’s saying to me. It’s like a foreign language. He’s only chatting to me or asking basic questions and I’m mind fucked. Words feel so strange and unfamiliar. It’s beyond ridiculous how bad it is today.
Now I’m sat here, feeling shit, I cannot wait to go to bed and sleep away a few crappy hours, before all this shit starts again tomorrow…