My Manic Life.
I'm Rio, I'm female, 19 and bisexual. I'm engaged and live with my fiancé Jonny and our 5 Chihuahuas. I live in the UK, but I use a lot of 'Americanisms', they're easier to type usually.
I have Bipolar 2 RC, GAD and contamination based OCD - I'm a 'hand washer'. I self harm and have done so for going on 9 years now. I'm currently totally housebound due to Agoraphobia (18 months and counting since I last went out). I also have a history of Eating Disorders (Anorexia and Bulimia - Purging Type), substance abuse (I'm diagnosed as 'Alcohol Dependant'), plus sexual abuse and a host of other things explained in my posts. ***NOTE - I'm currently in the process of being re-diagnosed and having some existing disorders tweaked. Please bear with me/my blog while it all gets sorted!***
This 'micro blog' is a mish mash of my feelings, thoughts, experiences, my past, present and maybe a little about my future too.
This is about my journey to achieve good mental health and if you want to, you are more than welcome to join me on my way...
Shall we begin?
Key -
Currently mid transfer, details to come.
??? = Therapist.
??? = Psychiatrist.
Peter = Former Therapist and Support Worker.
Dr Kelly = Former Psychiatrist.
EDC = East Dene Centre - The CMHT clinic I'm with, now under the 'Intensive Team'.
IT = Intensive Team (see above.)
St. Johns = Old clinic, when I was under CAMHS and lived in Nottinghamshire.
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when you see your reflection on your laptop screen and you just look
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do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of...
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I AM HUGGING YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
ALSO SOMEONE ATE ONE OF YOUR SHOES BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT THAT
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i don’t want to be alone.
but i push everyone else away.
kinda contradictory aren’t i? -
anus:
when you meet someone who hasnt seen mean girls
I spent the majority of the morning on the sofa, crying under my duvet, because the floor wouldn’t stop moving.
Cancelled my 3pm meeting with Peter.
Did manage to get a bath eventually though.
Also, haven’t been able to eat all day, aside from 3 slices of cheese and some chocolate I snaffled at breakfast, which was 12 hours ago.
I’ve been so confused all day, cannot grasp anything. Just had a minor argument with Jonny because I felt like he was mocking my confusion. My words aren’t coming out right or making sense and I can’t take anything in at all. I keep having him repeat things 3 or more times and I still can’t understand what he’s saying to me. It’s like a foreign language. He’s only chatting to me or asking basic questions and I’m mind fucked. Words feel so strange and unfamiliar. It’s beyond ridiculous how bad it is today.
Now I’m sat here, feeling shit, I cannot wait to go to bed and sleep away a few crappy hours, before all this shit starts again tomorrow…
